Doubts
by 17Red
Summary: I knew there was only two ways this could have gone. One, they stay out of pity for me and a sense of obligation, but could never look at me or touch me the same as before. Or two, they realise how broken and damaged I am now and leave me. I didn't particularly like either of those options so I found an option three


"I couldn't let them find me. After everything I went through, after everything that happened. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to face them after we were rescued. I knew they could never see me the same after this and I couldn't take the looks of pity towards not only myself but Rivers and The Doctor. I knew there were only two ways this could have gone. One, they stay out of pity for me and a sense of obligation, but could never look at me or touch me the same as before. Or two, they realise how broken and damaged I am now and leave me. I didn't particularly like either of those options so I found an option three, steal a vortex manipulator from the enemy and run. I don't know whether it was my own cowardice to face them that came up with the plan or actual logical reasoning, I just knew that I couldn't watch them break as they realise what happened."

"That's why I'm here."

She's sitting in a chair in front of The Face of Boe.

"The Doctor will search for you" (The Face of Boe)

"Not after he finds out exactly what they did to me. Besides It would be a pretty bad image if people knew the Doctor mated with me after that."

A tear runs down her face. He can see how devastated she is and how she really believes what she's saying is true. How she believes she is too broken for The Doctor and River to ever care about her anymore.

A nurse comes up to them both.

"Whenever you're ready." (nurse)

"You did not come just to visit me" (The Face of Boe)

She took a shaky breath in

"no"

He watches as her hands move up and cover her stomach. She's staring down tears running freely now.

"Just one more reason to add to the list." (she says it like she's trying to convince herself)

She looks to the nurse giving her a nod before getting up about to walk away.

"Call them and they will come." (The Face of Boe)

"But they will never see me the same ever again" her voice breaking mid-sentence

"Goodbye … Jack"

She walks off with the nurse.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

As they walk down the corridor towards her room she tries to focus on her steps, anything to distract her from what was going on. Apparently, the nurse had other ideas.

"so, I don't mean to be rude or you know, unprofessional. But I'm just dying to ask … you're Farren right? As in the Farren that's The Doctor and Professor Song's mate."

She sounded so excited but Farren just kept walking in silence. She didn't want to talk about them. It hurt too much to even think about how much of a betrayal they would see this as before they inevitably found out.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

A nurse runs up to The Face of Beau in a panic.

"That girl you were talking to earlier. I didn't mean to overhear you talking but you seemed to know her and I heard you mention The Doctor."

"What has happened." (The Face of Boe)

"She went in for surgery and something happened. She isn't doing so well and they're not sure she'll be okay after they tell her." (nurse)

"I was wondering if there's someone that we can somehow contact. Or perhaps that you could contact?" (nurse)

"Perhaps" (The Face of Boe)

The nurse nodded before moving quickly to the elevator, to wait for them out the front.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

On the Tardis, the Doctor received a message on the psychic paper.

THE MEDICAL FACILITY

"River, look"

She stopped what felt like her 100th attempt at trying to track where Farren had teleported to a month ago and looked at the paper.

"Who do you know that's at the Medical Facility?" (River)

"Don't know, haven't been there in a very long time" (The Doctor)

With a heavy sigh, he started fiddling with the controls

"well, let's go find out" (Rivers)

Neither of them wanted to stop searching for her but they were running out of ideas where to look.

After all, with all of space and time at her disposal she really could be anywhere.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They arrived at the Hospital around the same time a nurse came out of the front door.

"It always amazes me" mumbled to herself

"come. This way. He'll want to see you first." (nurse)

She took them past reception, to the elevator.

"Watch out for sterilization" (nurse)

They stood there as they were soaked then dried off, before walking into intensive care. There, right at the end looking out towards the windows was The Face of Beau.

"My old friend. So, you're the one that sent the message" (The Doctor)

"I knew you would want to be here" (The Face of Boe)

The doctor turned to the nurse

"What's wrong with him? What does he have?" (The Doctor)

"I think you misunderstood, Doctor" (nurse)

He frowned glancing back at River in confusion before looking back towards The Face of Boe.

"She came to see me two days ago" (The Face of Boe)

"She?" River said with hope in her voice for the first time in a month that they could be within reach of Farren.

"Yes, it was her. But she did not come just to visit" (The Face of Boe)

"She's hurt or was hurt. Is she okay? Is she still here?" (The Doctor)

"Tell them," Boe said towards the nurse.

"She came in two days ago alone and booked herself in for surgery. She came up here to talk to The Face of Boe to wait here but they took her in a few hours later."

"Surgery? What kind of surgery? Was she hurt?" (River)

The nurse glanced at Beau unsure because of patient confidentiality but when he nodded reasuringly she answered.

"She came to get an abortion"

Both River and The Doctor were taken aback bracing themselves for the worst, yet still not expecting this. Rivers sank slowly into a chair shocked by what she just heard whilst The Doctor flew straight passed shocked and full of anger, pacing back and forth in between River and Boe.

"My friend, you must calm yourself if we are to get through the rest. Be strong for her." (The Face of Boe)

The Doctor stopped pacing, took a deep breath and sank into a chair next to River.

"Some nurses put her under and prepped for surgery. But it seems either somebody overheard The Face of Boe and her talking or they knew about her relationship with you and that she was pregnant. Because after she was put under somebody came and got her and took her to another operating room and …. Operated on her. (nurse)

We found her still unconscious and alone in the operating room. We stitched her up and took her to a recovery room but it seems that whoever it was thought that she was pregnant with your child and was hoping to get their hands on Timelord DNA. However, after they realised the child had no Timelord DNA they left."

Taking a deep breath before speaking "Is she okay now?" (Doctor)

Hesitantly trying not to anger either of them "When they went after the child they had little consideration for the mother." (nurse)

"Meaning?" (Doctor)

"Meaning she has several injuries that we've healed but several that will take a bit of time to heal. There is one injury that we're monitoring closely. A severally damaged lung. We've repaired it but we'd still like to keep an eye on her." (nurse)

The room went dead silent whilst everybody just processed what was said.

"Can we see her?" (River)

"Of course, this way. We were rather hoping you'd be here before she woke up to help her when she's told." (the nurse started leading them away)

"Doctor, I have something I'd like to show you that I think you need to be aware of." (The Face of Boe)

He showed The Doctor through mind link he's conversation with her earlier.

A tear ran down The Doctors face. He couldn't believe that was what she thought and that was why you ran. That you believed that he and River could leave you and not care, after everything you've been through. However, at the same time, he was furious at these people that did this to you and he swore there would be nowhere in the universe that they could hide that he wouldn't find them.

"was there a chance it could have been yours?" (Boe)

"No" (Doctor)

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

They sat on either side of her hospital bed. Neither willing to break the silence. They just sat there staring at her, staring at the tubes and needles surrounding her and in her. Listening to her heart monitor and watching the blood in the bag travel down the tube and into her arm.

They said she'd lost too much blood and that's why she's getting a blood transfusion. That they'd given her a lot of morphine so she might be a bit confused at times and disoriented. They knew all this but neither of them could get over how small and fragile she looked lying in that bed.

The nurses took to bringing them both food. After the first few days they also stopped trying to get them to sleep, they left an empty bed in the room. Sometimes they would just fall asleep where they were sitting, other times they took turns sleeping on the bed.

She hadn't woken up the whole time they were there, however after the nurses found out exactly what had happened and what led to her being in this bed, she told them that it was understandable after everything she'd been through.

A few nights later it was one of those rare moments where both The Doctor and River had fallen asleep that her heart monitor gradually began to get faster and faster. Her breathing spread up and it wasn't long before she was thrashing around, getting the sheets twisted around her legs. She was mumbling and had started to cry when River finally woke up.

"Sweetie?" River reached over to run her fingers through Farren's hair trying to calm her down gently.

"Hey, it's alright. Clam down. You're safe." (River)

Hearing this The Doctor woke up just in time to see her startle awake with a gasp. She instantly started to struggle harder and kept mumbling, tears running freely now.

"No, no, no, no, please, no, please"

"It's okay, everything's okay now. You're safe. It's River, honey. You're with River and The Doctor and we're at The Medical Facility in a room by ourselves. Nobody's going to hurt you here. The Doctor and I won't let them." (River)

River sat there holding one of her hands and stroking her hair back with the other.

"River?"

"I'm right here, sweetie" (River)

Meanwhile, The Doctor was over at the door reassuring a concerned nurse, who heard the commotion and who had come running in, that they had everything handled and that she'd just had a nightmare.

"In that case, I really should come back afterward and make sure she hasn't done any more damage to her injuries." (nurse)

"I can do that. I can check afterward. I just think It might go better if someone she knows does it." (Doctor)

"okay alright" (nurse)

He turned back around when her panicked voice reached him for the second time.

"River, I …..River, I can't see. It's black. River everything is black. I can't see." (her voice slowly raising in panic)

She got up and sat next to her on the edge of the bed.

"It's alright sweetie, the lights are just off, it's night time that's all" (River)

She wrapped her arms around her as she curled into River, her head on River's chest and her shaking hands clutching at Rivers shirt.

The Doctor ran for the lights and flicked them on, then she cried out as the sudden light burned her eyes and she closed them turning and burying her head in Rivers stomach as the Doctor used his sonic screwdriver to turn the lights to a soft glow so that the room was just lit.

River sat there on the bed holding her and softly stroking her hair listening as her breathing gradually started to slow down. The Doctor came over sitting on the end of the bed he carefully untangled her legs from the sheets, then sat there with one hand reassuringly on her leg and the other rubbing slow circles on her hip. Making sure she knew he was there if she needed him. He felt as her muscles slowly started to relax and when she slipped back into sleep.


End file.
